'AHS: Coven' Recap: PlotSouls

Well, like Stevie Nicks’ song “Landside,” it seems like American Horror Story is afraid of changing. And you can see the reflection of last season in a snow-covered hill ... of cow plops. You want a storyline to reach a nice crescendo and provide some closure. However, the folks at AHS like to establish plotlines like a nosy super Christian neighbor rather than developing some of its most prevalent characters. Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) seems to be the season’s villain, and yet, we know nothing about her.

The episode begins with Marie and Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange) having a sleepover. Their rivalry was never explained so this sudden flip-flop isn’t sudden or unexpected, it’s just random. Fiona offers to spell her asleep and Marie reveals the secret to her 300-year-old youth. Sadly, it isn’t chicken beaks, Oil of Olay, or sounding ratchet ... it’s killing babies. Apparently, she sold her soul to Ryan Murphy Papa Legba (Lance Reddick), who bears a strange resemblance to the WWE star The Undertaker. So she must go to a hospital and kidnap a baby. The sad part is this isn’t the craziest the episode gets. Although, luckily Stevie Nicks will appear at some point to salvage the plot, right?

Watching the news like best lady friends, Fiona, Marie, and Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson) find out that Hank was responsible for killing all the hairstylists/witches. Besides wasting valuable time reiterating what we already know, the scene finds Fiona giving Cordelia an epic smack and then a verbal lashing to match. However, Fiona has no problem with Marie paying Hank to kill the witches.

Then in a mere flash Fiona brings Misty Day (Lily Rabe) into the sitting room to find Stevie Nicks there. What? No explanation? Apparently, it’s good to be The Supreme. Misty faints to some comic relief and then Stevie plays a very low energy version of “Rhiannon.” She may be tired because someone tried to explain to her how this show is meant to make any sense. Plus, is Nicks a witch? Was she kidnapped using Fiona's mind control powers? Are they old friends? Why is freakin' Stevie Nicks on this show?

The remaining girls speculate on the identity of the new Supreme. Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) is still convinced it might be her. Nan (Jamie Brewer) reveals her powers are growing and she can control minds as well as read them. Could she be the Supreme? So far, Misty can resurrect, which is one of the seven wonders, Nan can control minds and Madison has telekinesis and pyrokinesis all of whch are powers Fiona has. Or ... will Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) return as the Supreme?

Fiona casts a weird magic foreclosure spell on the witch hunters and they are suddenly investigated by the FCC. That’s when Marie reveals the secret to her eternal life/youth. Sadly, it’s not the potion from Death Becomes Her which is starting to look significantly more well written than this season. Oh Meryl Streep ... could you have saved this season? Where is all of this going?

Madison and Misty go for a walk following a funeral with kebabs. They literally follow a funeral procession. Madison decides to reveal that she can also resurrect people and then coldcocks Misty and buries her alive. Is this the end of Misty as the Supreme? This is the best scene in the episode and yet it’s so short. However, Misty did mention she had plans for her ressurection should something happen.

Nan and Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) decide to go visit everyone’s least favorite storyline abusive mother Joan Ramsey (Patti Lupone) to try and find Luke’s body to try and resurrect him. This show is starting to rely a little much on resurrection. Nan shows off her new powers by forcing the murderous mom to drink bleach. Why was this woman ressurected if she was going to get killed off? This is a lot like last season with the premature exit of Rabe’s possessed nun. Why were Luke and his mother relevant at all? Why bother to waste valuable screentime on them if they rob the series of the chance to develop their characters. Is Marie more than an immortal voodoo queen with a really ratchet Jafakin’ accent. 300 years and she sounds like Halle Berry as Storm in X-Men. Remember Berry’s weak attempt at an African accent?

Fiona summons Papa Legba to try and get rid of her crow’s feet cancer using cocaine. She comes to learn she has no soul. Is it because her soul is the singular soul of the Supreme? Does the soul cycle through each Supreme? Did she lose it with her ghostly sexing with the Axeman (Danny Houston)? Or did she sell her soul for the survival of this series despite their lack of adequate plot development?

The series’ least powerful witches Cordelia and Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) have a powwow in the greenhouse. Myrtle loves playing the theremin and Cordelia loves to cry and be helpless. What are their powers anyway? Should we be asking this in the tenth episode of the season? Luckily, Myrtle has the power of witty dialogue and taunts Cordelia.

Rather than allowing Marie to sacrifice a baby, Marie and Fiona decide to kill Nan by drowning her. Then Nicks pops back for another somber song. Because hey, why not.

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.' Recap: The Coulson Secrets Are Revealed!

Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. returns from its winter break swinging, as the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. organization is mobilized to recover agent Coulson, who was abducted by Centipede at the tail end of the last episode. The prickly Agent Hand commandeers The Bus during the search, which has the team on edge. Meanwhile, Coulson's memories are being probed by Edison Po and Raina as they dig deep into his psyche to discover what makes Tahiti so darn magical.

The Agents

Everyone's on deck for this mission — except for Skye, since agent Hand threw her off the jet — but that's not going to stop the world's foremost technogeek from tracking down Coulson and Centipede in her own way, with or without S.H.I.E.L.D.'s resources.

Mission Fallout

Skye escapes her debriefing and manages to track down Centipede through the alien artifact black market, and follows their money trail to a settlement that the organization had purchased in the Nevada desert. She tells her team where Coulson is while the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. incompetently follows other leads elsewhere in the world. Meanwhile, Raina, under the guiding hand of the Clairvoyant, continues to teem Coulson's brain for answers. The Clairvoyant sees almost everything, but one of the few things out of his/her field of view is just how Coulson is still alive after being stabbed through the heart. Centipede wishes to use that answer and apply it to its own Extremis-powered soldiers, but Agent Coulson would rather die than let them get the secret ... until curiosity gets the better of him. Raina works her charms on the agent, and suddenly Coulson really wants to know some answers himself, but he isn't too thrilled with what he finds.

It turns out that Coulson's Tahiti memories were fabricated (shocker) and Coulson was really being given a series of incredibly traumatic and creepy operations to bring him back to life. The operation was so painful and unbearable that S.H.I.E.L.D. created magical Tahiti memories and slapped them on top of his memories of the operation like a pretty slipcover masking up an unsightly sofa. The team reaches Coulson and rescues him just in the knick of time and the day is saved, but Coulson is seriously unsettled by the truth. He makes a visit to the doctor who operated on him, and finds out all the gory details of his various operations. It turns out that he had lost his will to live, and was begging to die. I dont think Coulson will "trust the system" as fully as he once did.

Mission Highlights

 - Mike Peterson is alive! But he's missing a leg, half his body is burned, and he has one of those cybernetic eye bombs that Centipede is so fond of. But he's alive. So that's good, right?

- It's just a little ridiculous how preposterously good Skye and her team are at their jobs while the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. is just wildly inept at just everything involved with their daily routines.

- "Is that a Roomba?" No... no it isn't.

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Check out 'Duck Dynasty's new guns

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T-Mobile will pay you $650 to switch over

T-Mobile landed a one-two punch Wednesday, revealing killer 2013 subscriber numbers and making a new $650 offer to poach competitors' customers.

The company added 4.4 million customers in 2013 -- its biggest growth in eight years. The company says it's proof its "uncarrier" strategy -- aimed to upend the mobile industry -- is working after only 8 months.

In the fourth quarter alone T-Mobile added 1.6 million new subscribers, bringing its total customer base to nearly 47 million people.

T-Mobile (TMUS) shares temporarily stopped trading after the company made the surprise announcement. The company intends to release full details of its earnings Feb. 25.

Related story: AT&T offers T-Mobile customers $450 to switch

That news was paired with an offer to people who want to switch but are stuck with bigger carriers like AT&T (T, Fortune 500), Verizon (VZ, Fortune 500) or Sprint (S, Fortune 500): Cancel your contract and we'll pay your termination fees up to $650. That deal includes a maximum of $350 per line and $300 per phone.

The catch? You must trade in your old phone and buy a new one from T-Mobile, and you can transfer your current number.

The deal is likely to be perceived as a response to AT&T's $450 pitch last week to T-Mobile customers. But it's just the latest move in the company's strategy to kill contracts and hand customers more power.

"We will become famous for this in 2014," CEO John Legere told reporters at this year's Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. "We're going to force the industry to change. I want every customer to have a complete choice. It's going to be a healthier industry."

This is the same irascible executive who crashed AT&T's party at CES this week and got kicked out by security. He's a former AT&T executive at that.

Typo, the iPhone cover with a keyboard  

Typo, the iPhone cover with a keyboard

Like most of the company's recent cheeky campaigns, T-Mobile urges competitors' customers to visit T-Mobile.com/break-up and write their mobile carrier a teenage-angst-ridden break-up letter.

"It's not a bribe. It's transformational for our industry," T-Mobile's chief marketing officer, Mike Sievert, said at CES.

He claimed a family of four on an unlimited data plan could save $1,880 in two years and noted the economic significance for a middle-income American family.

Chief Technology Officer, Neville Ray, also said that T-Mobile can now claim a faster network than AT&T in some cases. Legere joked that he might pull another media stunt by sending AT&T, which frequently claims to be the fastest, a cease-and-desist letter along with a camera crew to tape it.

"We're going to level the playing field," Ray said at CES.  To top of page

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Driverless car tech gets serious at CES

The big auto show in Detroit doesn't kick off until next week, but major car companies are already showing off some of their more exciting car-tech prototypes here at the International Consumer Electronics Show.

BMW and Audi unveiled their latest driverless car technology and conducted demonstration drives. Nevada is one of a few states where it's legal to test drive autonomous cars, though it requires a person to sit in the driver's seat at all times.

BMW added its highly active assist technology to a modified 2 Series Coupe. The car can slide into a controlled drift to demonstrate how precise the control systems are and how it can handle a critical situation. The company has posted a video showing it in action.

"It's like the best test driver you have," said Dr. Werner Huber, BMW project manager driver.

BMW demonstrated its latest self-driving technology on a modified 2 Series Coupe at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, Nevada.

BMW demonstrated its latest self-driving technology on a modified 2 Series Coupe at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The car uses steering, breaking and throttle to control acceleration, deceleration and direction in very small, exact amounts. The demonstration is just one aspect of the technical building blocks required to make a self-driving car. There are also sensors, environmental modeling and decision and driving strategy technologies that BMW is working on. Those were not included on this particular test vehicle.

Early automated-vehicle prototypes from car makers, universities and Google looked like Frankenstein experiments, covered in custom-hacked hardware. Now the technology is getting smaller and the necessary sensors and cameras are shrinking to barely noticeable sizes.

Audi is particularly proud of decreasing the size of its computer systems, which previously filled the entire trunk of the car, into a box that's mounted inside the glove compartment. The German car manufacturer demonstrated its Sport Quattro Laserlight concept car at CES.

Audi's real advancement this year is the compact zFAS car computer. In the future, the Nvidia powered system could be used for key automated-driving tasks like traffic sign recognition, lane departure warnings and pedestrian spotting.

Audi\'s Sport quattro laserlight concept car, on display at CES, has shrunk down the automated car computer and sensors.

Audi's Sport quattro laserlight concept car, on display at CES, has shrunk down the automated car computer and sensors.

Size isn't the only technical challenge. Dependability is also incredibly important for a computer system driving a car. You can't reboot a vehicle while it's hurtling down a highway at 60 mph.

"We can't have these systems crash," said David Anderson, Nvidia's senior automotive solutions architect. "This is a safety critical application."

Making it legal

Car makers agree that while there are many technical issues ahead, they may not be the most daunting obstacles self-driving cars face.

Autonomous driving features are at least seven to 10 years away from becoming commercially available. The technology inside the cars is developing fast, but the auto industry will need at least that much time to sort out a tangle of non-hardware and software issues to clear the way for the cars.

"The main problems are regulations and laws," said Audi's Heribert Braeutigam.

Various laws will have to be updated around the world to make it legal for automated cars to drive on the road. Car manufactures and suppliers are already forming working groups to address the topics and work with governments.

"We can only influence the technology. The framework work must be done by governments," said Huber.

Insurance and liability are particular tricky. If a car driving itself gets into an accident that results in damages or injuries, who is responsible? The driver who was watching Netflix on a state-of-the-art car entertainment system, or the manufacturer that designed the car?

Researchers and makers of driverless cars say the technology will be far safer than people-driven vehicles because they eliminate unpredictable human errors like distracted or drunk driving, or poor reactions to emergency situations. However, the cars won't be accident proof. The first major accident involving the technology will be a huge public relations hurdle for the entire industry.

Driverless cars' people problem

Inside the vehicle, the humans are the difficulty.

"The psychological aspects of automation are really a challenge," Huber said.

At first, cars will share driving responsibilities with their human owners. Companies are working on automated parking features or traffic assistance technology that will take over in specific scenarios under certain speed limit. There will be many times where the driver will have to actually drive, which means they will not be completely off the hook even during downtime.

"He's not allowed to sleep, read a newspaper, or a use a laptop," said Braeutigam, outlining some of the rules for a driver in a partially automated vehicle. The rules are to minimize the amount of time needed to turn a passive passenger into an alert driver who is in control of the car.

That's where the connected, in-car entertainment and information systems come in. They may seem like an unnecessary distraction or luxury, but they're actually a key safety feature in the automated driving system.

Car makers will want to limit drivers to only using in-car systems while not steering so the vehicle can get their attention when there's an emergency or when they need to take over driving. An in-car system can pause movies, turn off e-mail and hide reading materials when it's time to drive. If the driver doesn't respond, it might sound alarms and blink lights, eventually turning on the hazards and slowing to a complete stop.

"We need five to 10 seconds to pull him back into driving," Huber said. During that time, the car must be able to operate autonomously.

Will the public want them?

There's also the small matter of selling the public on automated driving. For people who love the act of driving, taking a powerful car like a BMW 2 Series Coupe and turning the action over to an automated system might seem like a waste.

"We have to interpret the driving fun in a new way," Huber said. That means bringing content and activities to the car so that the driver can make better use of his or her 30 minutes in traffic. They'll still be able to take over during the fun parts, zipping down a curvy country road.

Privacy will be another big concern. The various sensors and in-car systems can collect data about driving patterns and locations and save that data in the cloud. The idea is to use this information to assist the driver, say updating a car's route based on real-time mapping information.

A recent report to Congress said in-car services that currently collect location data on drivers don't always follow recommenced privacy practices. Many companies, like car makers or GPS services, share collected data with third-parties, though the report didn't find any selling the information to data brokers. The report recommended the government do more to protect drivers' privacy.

Information collection will become more prevalent in the future. Eventually, car makers hope to open up the lines of communications between individual cars on the road to better avoid traffic jams and prevent accidents. That technology is even farther off than automated driving, since car manufacturers need to come together to agree on protocols and frequencies.

As cars pile on more advanced automated technology, it becomes clear they fit into the Consumer Electronics Show as much as the typical car show. They are moving beyond just being cars.

"The car is becoming a driving robot, a moving robot," Huber said.

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Wearable gadgets search for mainstream appeal

Some people think wearable gadgets look cool. Perhaps they rock their Google Glass while out at happy hour, or flash the latest crowd-funded smart watch at the office.

While the devices are undoubtedly conversation starters, and the look may be coveted in some circles, for the most part wearable technology has a fashion problem. At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week, wearable devices are everywhere, and some are finally trying to break out of the gadget world and into the fashion world.

Wearables is a broad and fast-growing category that, as the name implies, includes any small piece of technology that can be worn. Research firm ABI estimates the wearables market will hit $6 billion by 2018.

There are "smart" glasses, watches, bracelets, brooches, visors, necklaces and even bras. Straps secure small sensors against arms, chest, head or legs. There are even wearables for dogs, cats and children. The tasks wearables accomplish are as varied as the body parts they adorn.

The technology inside these devices is moving ahead while the design side stagnates. Sensors are getting smaller, cheaper and more advanced. It's possible that the technology will become so advanced that trackers could bypass the design problem altogether by shrinking down electronic elements enough that they can be invisibly embedded in regular clothing, hats, shoes and belts.

 Curved, 4K TVs hot at CES 2014 CES Now vs. Then

But not every company sees that on the horizon.

"We don't think the trackers we see today are going to go away in favor of a sensor-laden shirt or bra," said Woody Scal, the chief revenue officer at fitness tracker company Fitbit.

Fitness trackers embrace the fun

The most popular wearables are fitness trackers, which use sensors to detect movement, heart rate, body temperature, breathing, sleep patterns, location and speed. In the fitness area at CES, low-profile and colorful bracelets inspired by the Nike FuelBand and Fitbit Flex and Force are the most common. There are the Garmin Vivofit and Jaybird Reign trackers, and the LG Lifeband Touch and Razer Nabu, which add in notifications from smartphones.

The new Sony Core, a small stick that will fit in wrist-wear like the Sony SmartBand, acts as a fitness tracker but also branches out into life logging. It will be able to track mundane daily activities, weather, what movies you watch and what music you listen to, and notable events. It can also receive notifications from a paired smartphone, will likely cost around $135, and pops in and out of various brightly colored wrist bands.

The traditional wearable look is passable for fitness gear, which is expected to be bold and sporty. Unfortunately the esthetic doesn't always translate into everyday wear. Most adults have moved beyond rocking brightly colored plastic baubles. They want sleekly designed accessories and brand names.

Early stabs at jewelry

Some companies have smartly started to outsource the design process to people who know about fashion. Intel announced that it was teaming up with hipster design label Opening Ceremony on a bracelet that will be sold at Barneys, though specific design and pricing details are still unknown.

Chip-maker CSR worked with jeweler Cellini to create a surprisingly nice Bluetooth pendant that has a single, customizable light for receiving notifications. On the odd side, the necklace can also be programmed to release perfume throughout the day.

Fitbit announced it was dabbling in jewelry and partnering with Tory Burch on a Fitbit necklace and a bracelet. The products are still in the design stage, but drawings show decent gold jewelry that would look good even if it didn't contain a tracker.

Not every company is getting outside help. Ezio makes gaudy $129 necklaces that pair with a smartphone and have stones that light up when someone calls or texts.

"The whole idea here is that people -- not everyone, but lots of people, we believe -- want their fitness trackers to be even more fashionable," said Fitbit's Scal. "In the male-focused technology industry, we didn't think people were paying enough attention to women, to be honest."

Everyone's making a smart watch

Pebble on Monday introduced a premium smartwatch, Pebble Steel, which will retail for $249.

Pebble on Monday introduced a premium smartwatch, Pebble Steel, which will retail for $249.

Appealing to women is an issue with one of the most hyped wearable categories: smart watches.

Gadgets calling themselves smart watches range from regular watch faces with light-up notifications to full featured Android phones worn on the wrist. The most appealing are designed to look like everyday analog watches, while others look like touch screens with a strap tossed on. When well done, a watch with a face big enough to accommodate smart features can pass as a nice men's accessory, but the majority are still far too bulky and awkward for women.

The focus on the watch form factor has been oddly intense, with rumors of an Apple smart watch swirling for the past year and major companies like Samsung pushing out glitchy, undercooked technology like the Galaxy Gear.

At CES, Intel, Qualcomm and indie darling Pebble all announced new smart watches, and there was a dedicated area for the wrist wear. The Burg ($149 to $399) takes a SIM card and can make calls. The $130 Cogito Pop looks like a classic watch but adds notifications from a paired smartphone. Qualcomm's $349 Toq is similar to the Pebble but with a full color screen and fewer apps. The new Pebble Steel is a proper stainless steel smart watch for $250.

The most egregiously oversized smart watch on the CES floor is the Neptune Pine, a 2.4-inch touchscreen rectangle running Android Jelly Bean that will cost between $335 and $395 when released in March. Technically, it has all the features of a fully functioning Android phone, but the cramped screen means it works better as a secondary screen for viewing notifications, paired with a regular Android smartphone stashed in your bag or large pocket.

One of the more clever smart watches at CES is the Filip, a simple and sturdy phone and location tracker for kids five to 11 years old. Parents can program in five phone numbers and the child can make and receive calls from those contacts, and receive but not send texts. An accompanying iOS or Android app can be used to pinpoint the kid's location on a map. The $199 device will be sold through AT&T stores and service will cost just $10 a month without a contract.

On your face but out of the way

For the most part, wearables offer a limited selection of the features already available on smartphones. The idea is to save people from the distracting task of pulling out a phone, looking at it, tapping on it and returning it safely to a pocket. At the Cogito booth, Andres Muguira said a smart watch would help wearers filter incoming notifications so they would "get to spend more time with loved ones."

That's the idea behind wearable glasses, either the most or least distracting wearable depending on your point of view. There were a number of Google Glass-like products at CES. GlassUp shows e-mails, texts, tweets and other messages on a display directly in front of the eye. The GlassUp design currently resembles safety glasses, but a mockup of the final version could almost pass for a regular pair of black thick-framed specs.

Epson's Moverio BT-100 glasses look like the disposable sunglasses you get after a trip to the eye doctor. The industrial Vuzix glasses don't even attempt to pass as normal glasses, looking more like a futuristic monocle, but that could change if the company decides to make a commercial product.

The best outcome for smart glasses, and all other wearable tech, is blending in by looking like products people already want to wear.

They could follow Google's lead. The company was reportedly talking to hip glasses company Warby Parker about possible design partnerships for future versions of Google Glass.

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'Smart' toothbrush grades your brushing habits

If you're tired of nagging your kids (or another member of your household) to brush their teeth, you have a new ally.

A French company has introduced what they're calling the world's first connected electric toothbrush, which syncs wirelessly with a smartphone to track brushing habits, announce whether you, or your kids, have brushed thoroughly enough and reward you for good oral hygiene.

For extra motivation, or shaming, the brush can share information with your social network or even your dentist.

It's called the Kolibree toothbrush, and it was unveiled this week at the International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, where some attendees asked if they could test prototypes on their pearly whites right there (for sanitary reasons, the answer was no).

The device will cost from $99 to $200, depending on the model, and will be available for pre-order this summer through Kickstarter or another crowdfunding site.

"It works just like a regular toothbrush," said Kolibree spokesperson Renee Blodgett in a phone interview. "The only difference is that all the data is stored on your phone so you can see how you're brushing."

Users download a mobile app and connect via Bluetooth, and the Kolibree documents every brushing via three sensors that record 1) how long you brush, 2) whether you brush all four quadrants of your mouth, and 3) whether you brush up and down (good) instead of just side to side (bad).

The data automatically syncs to your Android phone or iPhone, telling you whether you brushed long enough and reached all the crucial areas of your teeth and gums. The Kolibree app charts your progress and scores your brushing technique to encourage you, or your kids, to improve brushing habits.

In this way, the device turns a mundane daily activity into a game, which its makers hope will engage people -- especially kids -- and encourage them to brush longer and more often.

"You create this incentive around brushing," Blodgett said.

The brushing data also will be available via an API to let third-party game designers develop new apps for the Kolibree system.

The Kolibree toothbrush was invented by Thomas Serval, a French engineer and a leader in that country's tech industry. He was inspired to design it after suspecting that his children were lying to him about whether they had brushed their teeth.

It's not the first "smart" toothbrush on the market, however: The manual, $25 Beam Brush went on sale about a year ago. The Beam also connects to phones via Bluetooth and records brushing time, although unlike the Kolibree it cannot track the brush's movements in the mouth.

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